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• A honest person is someone you could play checkers with over the phone

• If I am what I eat them I am cheap, quick, and easy

• Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain

• Jealousy is a wasted emotion. Which is why I recycle

• We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse

• I told my psychiatrist that everyone hated me. He told me I was being ridiculous. Everyone hadn't met me yet

• We are searching for rational reasons for believing in the absurd

• More and more of our imports come from overseas...

• On the road of life, don't forget to stop and eat the roses

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